The Lonely
by EbonySkies
Summary: Something's wrong with Spencer and Dave is determined to make it better. SLASH! don't like then don't read. Disclaimer: I don't own CM or the characters. This is just for fun.
1. Chapter 1

They were all getting used to Reid not being the first one in the bullpen every morning. They were also getting used to him being the last to leave. Whenever he was asked to go on an excursion with them he declined, which again they were getting used to. It was disheartening but no one knew what to do. Sure they had several well laid out campaigns to change his mind but none ever went into effect or were discussed further then their initial formulation.

Spencer was lost and losing everything of himself fast. He wondered where the strength he used to possess had gone. Looking at himself he could only marvel at the person he'd used to be. It was almost certain that he'd succumb to the darkness slowly creeping in through the edges of his life. There would be no stopping it in his weakened state and if he was honest with himself he didn't care to fight another battle. He'd had his share of wins it was time he prepare for a loss.

"Reid," one of them called.

He's withdrawn so far he couldn't tell them apart. This was saying a lot considering half his team was females. Half of his family, but they were fading into the darkness consuming his life. Before anyone knew it he would just be a memory to them all. The kid on the team that no one really needed.

"Reid," the voice called again.

He looked up from his paperwork to the two team members sitting with him. Both were doing their work so he looked up to the cat walk. Rossi stood in his door way waving a hand at him. With a sigh Spencer stood and made his way to Rossi's office. Everyone was watching as he made his way up the stairs but he chose to watch the ceiling tiles shift over his head instead.

"You wanted to see me?" Spencer said disconsolately.

"Come in and sit down," Rossi said kindly.

Spencer made sure to close the door behind him as he stepped in. He knew this was going to be more than a talk and didn't want anyone to interrupt it without warning. Most of him was hoping the talk would be lighthearted or about the book Rossi was writing but he was a genius and knew the man before him wouldn't call for him in the middle of the work day something trivial.

"We're worried about you," Rossi stated flatly.

"You shouldn't be," Spencer sighed.

"Not the response to make me think otherwise."

Spencer was silent for a moment trying not to lie to the older man. They both knew they all should be worried but Spencer wouldn't tell them why. They would assume the worst, that he was shooting up again, but they wouldn't be correct and he'd rather them be wrong than right.

"I'm fine Dave. There's no need to worry," Spencer tried again.

"You're lying to me kid. What's changed recently to make you give up? You've got the strength of a god and it seems like you've been sucked dry," Rossi asked.

"Please Dave just let it go. I'm not using again. I'll piss in a cup of you want. There is nothing wrong and even if there were what would you do about it?" Spencer shot back.

He stood from his chair and turned away from the Italian. He hesitated at the door hoping he would say something, anything to stop him from leaving.

"Spencer sit down," Rossi called before he could open the door.

His shoulders slumped and David Rossi watched as Spencer's entire being shrunk smaller than a child. It was absolutely terrifying but he intended to get to the bottom of Spencer's problems and pull him out of the darkness.

"Is it the job?"

"It's everything," Spencer cracked.

"Help me out here kid."

"I'm not a kid. I'm almost thirty years old. Sure you're older than I am but that doesn't make me a child. I had no control over when my parents fucked," Spencer started to rant.

Rossi stood and made his way to the other side of the desk. Spencer stopped his rant and watched the other man move.

"I don't do it as a disrespectful name, I do it as a reminder to keep your youth," Rossi explained.

"I've never had a youth. I've been an adult since I was twelve. How do I even explain to you what's going on with me? You'd never look at me the same again and I don't even know if I want you to," Spencer sighed.

"Just tell me about the part I can help you with. Then if I'm not enough go to someone else who can help you with part of it and keep going until there's nothing left. Until that darkness that's threatening to swallow you whole is nothing but a shadow in your memories," Rossi offered.

"You know about the darkness?"

"Kid, Spencer, I've been around the block a few times. I've seen strong people brought to their worst by their demons and I've had that darkness eating my soul a time or two as well. We all have to deal with it and if you don't then it takes over and you lose who you are. You lose what everyone loves about you and you turn into a shell of someone that anyone would have tried to save if only they knew how," David offered.

There was silence for a moment. Rossi placed his hand on Spencer's arm and almost pulled away when he felt the flinch. He knew Spencer wasn't using again because there were no signs of withdraw and he wasn't running to the bathroom all the time as he'd seen in the past with drug abuse. Spencer was afraid of being pulled from the darkness, he was afraid to ask for help and he was stubborn enough to try and fight it on his own even though he knew he would lose in the end.

"Help me Dave, please," Spencer said quietly.

Rossi pulled him up and wrapped the slender man in a hug. It wasn't something he ever did but he knew Spencer needed it. He would do whatever Spencer needed because that's what family did. They put their needs aside to help the hurting.

"Anything you need Spence, I'm right here," Rossi said quietly.


	2. Chapter 2

It was dark in his room. He didn't care to turn on a light and since the deep inky blackness had started to consume him he wasn't afraid of the dark. Why fear what was becoming you? The thoughts in his head were driving him mad and keeping him from sleep. He tossed for a while getting tangled in his sheets and getting frustrated. He yelled out to try and ease the emotions but it left his throat raw and hadn't helped the mood at all. He checked his phone to see the time. Two a.m. he wondered if it would be too much of an intrusion to call Rossi, take him up on his offer. With a sigh he hit the speed dial number but hesitated over the send button.

"Dave," Spencer whispered into the phone.

"I'll be there in twenty. Unlock the door for me in case you fall asleep," Rossi said hanging up.

If Rossi had stayed on the phone longer he would have heard Spencer's acerbic laugh. There was no way Spencer would fall asleep. He was too lost and emotional to get enough control of himself. Weakness made him feel uneasy but that's all he'd been feeling. If he weren't worried about his team's reactions he probably would have quit and found a more suitable job. He'd always thought he's make a good librarian. Maybe open his own book shop or write like Rossi did. But he knew he could never give up his family. They had all been through so much together for him to abandon them.

The loss in Spencer's voice from that single word, his name, had told him everything. He knew why Spencer was hurting and also knew he could relate to the man. Heartbreak did things to the mind that the body couldn't stop and without the mind working at full capacity the body tended to fall off by the way side.

Rossi let himself into the unlocked apartment and made sure to lock all the locks before venturing into the apartment. He heard the bed moving as Spencer tossed trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. With a soft smile Rossi knocked on the door before stepping in.

"You're going to get yourself all worked up and you'll never get to sleep," he said.

"I can't sleep as it is so what does it matter?" Spencer sighed brokenly.

Spencer felt the bed dip and watched as the older man climbed in and under the covers. He opened his arms and Spencer gladly let himself be pulled into the embrace.

"I know you feel like it's the end Spencer, but it's not. Things will get better and before you know it all this pain will be nothing. It'll be a scar on the inside that will remind you to feel," Rossi said.

Spencer rested his head on Rossi's chest and listened to the older man's breathing as he slowly drifted to sleep. Not long after Rossi was asleep as well. When they woke in the morning Spencer wasn't sure what to do. He was wrapped around and by Rossi so moving would have jarred the other man, which he didn't want to do after all he'd done.

"If you want to move I'm awake Spencer," Rossi said quietly.

"Do you mind if we just stay like this?" Spencer asked closing his eyes even though Rossi couldn't see his face.

"That's fine but I'd like to use the bathroom first if that's alright," Rossi said.

Spencer nodded and they both got up to use the bathroom. Rossi went to the guest bathroom and walked back into the bedroom to see Spencer standing by his window with his head lowered. Sorrow tore through him at recognition of the stance. The young genius was broken and couldn't see himself ever being whole again. It brought a pain to Rossi's heart and determination to prove Spencer was worth life. If it was the last thing he did he would show Spencer the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't always a train waiting to destroy him.

"I think we should talk Spencer," Rossi said sitting down on the bed.

Spencer turned to the older man with unshed tears in his eyes. Rossi opened his arms and Spencer fell into them again curling his body as tightly as he could in Rossi's grasp. If he were a weaker man the tears would have fallen. He was trying to get control of himself when Rossi entered and he would have been able to look forlorn if it weren't for the damned tears in his eyes. Slowly Rossi ran his hand up and down Spencer's back in a reassuring gesture.

"Thank you for being here for me," Spencer murmured.

"You have nothing to thank me for. I told you I'd be here for you. This is a hard time for you and I know what you are feeling. I may not know how you're feeling them, but I've gone through this and I know you need someone to understand," Rossi disclosed.

"I don't want to complicate things Dave, but you're the one I want here," Spencer confessed.

"Well then I guess it's a good thing I'm the only one I would let be here," Rossi divulged.

They were silent for a while just being with each other. Their confessions hung fresh in the air but Spencer wasn't willing to ask further what Rossi meant nor was he willing to lay himself down on the train tracks. Rossi was waiting for Spencer to continue, he was there for the younger man and didn't want to overstay his welcome by continuing a subject the younger didn't want to discuss.

"I don't know how to live," Spencer finally broke the silence.

"Seems like you're doing a good enough job now," Rossi confirmed.

"When it comes to books and math and science I'm great but when life happens I'm lost. I don't know what to do with all the emotions I'm feeling and I don't know how to ask for help because I don't know what I need help with. Sure I'm sad and lost and lonely and broken but that's the surface. Underneath is something else that even I can't describe but I don't want it there. I feel like I don't know what I want and can't identify what I need," Spencer talked.

"Desolation," Rossi offered.

"That's as good a word as any. It's swallowing me and every time I think I've gotten free I find out that it's got me by the foot and is sucking me back in. Like a big black tar pit just wearing me out until I've got no energy left to fight it as it pulls me under. How do I stop it?" Spencer almost begged for an answer.

"Someone throws you a lifeline and cling to it like nothing else is ever going to come for you. I was in your shoes once Spencer, and if I hadn't had someone there to pull me out we wouldn't be having this conversation today. I'd be burnt out, lying drunk or dead in a ditch. I can be your lifeline if you let me. I can show you what it feels like to live again. Only if you want me," Rossi offered.

Spencer let the older man go and scooted away to get a look at him. He understood the undertones of the statement but wasn't exactly sure he could figure the rest of it out. Maybe he was over analyzing things. There had been an obvious affinity between the two of them but he was bringing it up at a time when Spencer was most broken. It was a perplexing idea that and he had to know why then, and what the catch was.

"I don't think I understand what you're implying," Spencer said with downcast eyes, "I don't have anything of value to offer."

"I'm not asking for anything in return Spencer. All I want is to be the one that's there for you. This is a tough time for you and I expect nothing you aren't willing to give, I won't ask or take more than what it is. But I want a chance," Rossi explained.

"Why?"

"There doesn't always have to be a reason. Sometimes people do things just because they can or want to."

It was enough for Spencer. He had a hard time believing that Rossi would stay through the turbulence but also had no reason to believe he wouldn't.


	3. Chapter 3

Spencer hadn't been eating much because he hadn't thought to eat. When his stomach made noises or he got hunger pains he'd eat but it wasn't the first thing on his mind in the morning or before he went to bed. Rossi had noticed the drop in his weight and decided to fix his eating issue by making sure there was food around for him to pick at. A bowl of fruit on the kitchen counter, a bag of trail mix on the coffee table, candy on the night stand was all it took for Spencer to start eating regularly. He would nibble at the candy or trail mix absentmindedly as he read or pick at the fruit while they talked over coffee. Rossi also made sure to cook food for Spencer, which in turn taught Spencer how to cook.

Rossi heard Spencer retching when he entered the house. Quickly he went over the list in his head double checking to make sure he hadn't overlooked a new drug problem. He was ashamed of the thoughts and wished he hadn't had them because he knew Spencer would never go that route again. But it was always his first thought when something was happening with the younger man. After banishing the thought he made his way to the bathroom to find Spencer.

"Are you alright?" Dave asked walking in.

Spencer just dry heaved into the toilet. Rossi pulled Spencer's hair from his face and noticed the tears. It was obvious Spencer had been there a while and that he wasn't happy about it. Almost before Rossi could react Spencer started to collapse against him. He sat on the ground and pulled the younger man into his lap. Spencer was shaking and sweating. The shirt he wore clung to him and loose strands of air stuck to his forehead.

"Kill me please," Spencer whimpered.

Rossi felt Spencer's abdomen convulse but Spencer didn't move. He'd been dry heaving for a while so they were safe from a sudden purge.

"I don't think being sick is a viable excuse for homicide," Rossi retorted.

"Assisted suicide. Kevorkian," Spencer gasped before launching himself back to the toilet.

"Although I'm sure I could manage to get away with it. You'd have to be cremated though. Probably fed to someone or thing as well. I can't leave any traces of you behind for them to speculate on," Rossi humored the idea.

"Deal," Spencer said falling back after flushing.

"Come on, let's get you showered and into something comfortable before bed," Rossi offered.

Rossi stood the two of them up and turned the shower on. He took off the younger man's shirt and pants before leaving him to set up a bucket in the bedroom. Spencer managed a shower sighing in relief as the warm water calmed his tightened abdominal muscles. When he stepped out he wrapped a towel around his waist and made his way into his bed room. He heard Rossi in the kitchen and dressed quickly as not to expose himself.

"I found an electric blanket, thought it would be better than throwing you under cold sheets. Sweat a fever mom used to say," Rossi said pulling back the blankets.

Spencer crawled in and looked at the other man.

"Stay with me tonight? Please," Spencer asked.

Rossi knew he would do anything Spencer asked and had already planned to stay. He wanted to make sure the younger man wanted him there before assuming anything.

"I'll go get my bag and be back," Rossi confirmed.

Spencer turned on his tv while he waited for Rossi to return. He wasn't sure what the other man usually watched but figured he'd let Spencer watch whatever he normally would. A documentary about butterfly species was on and seemed like a doozy so he kept it and watched contently. A laughter pulled his eyes from the bright colors and tiny insects.

"I wasn't sure if there was something you usually watched, but this seemed safe enough," Spencer offered with a shrug.

"This is fine. They're quite fascinating creatures," Rossi offered.

Spencer pulled down the covers and patted the bad again. With another chuckle Rossi obliged and climbed in to bed. There was hesitation as the younger man watched the older out of the corner of his eye. Rossi knew Spencer wanted to cuddle and with a smile pulled the younger man to him. They both got comfortable and were asleep before the timer shut the tv off.

Rossi woke up to Spencer thrashing in his sleep. Sweat drenched the slender man as he tossed, lost in the throes of his nightmare. Quickly he steadied Spencer before calmly talking him down.

"Spencer you're fine. It's just a nightmare. That's it, you're safe I promise," Rossi soothed.

Spencer woke with a start and quickly his eyes shot around the room. He flinched away from Rossi until he realized who was in bed with him. A moment later his stomach lurched and he was throwing up in the bin beside his bed. Rossi rubbed his back tenderly until he was finished.

"Don't go," Spencer struggled to say.

"I'm not going anywhere. You're sweating so I'm going to get a cold cloth and some ice. Take your shirt off," Rossi said as he left the room.

When he returned, Rossi also brandished a bottle of mouth wash. Spencer was glad he'd thought of it as the taste in his mouth was making him more sick than actually being sick. He washed his mouth and spat into the bin before collapsing to the bed. Rossi took some ice in the cloth and dragged it over Spencer's body. A cry of displeasure was soon followed by a gasp of pleasure. Rossi smiled.

"I thought you were going to do naughty things when you told me to take my shirt off," Spencer smiled.

"Maybe when you're not so sick," Rossi came back.

Spencer let out a laugh before looking over to Rossi. He stopped the man's hand from moving the cloth. Rossi was going to ask if something was wrong but decided against it. He just pulled away and put the cloth back in the bowl with the ice.

"Feeling better?"

"No I'm getting cold," Spencer said snuggling back into the blankets.

Rossi pulled him close again and sighed at the feeling of the younger man next to him. It had been a long time since he's enjoyed someone clinging to him. They way Spencer needed him made him enjoy taking care of him. He felt validated and like he was supposed to be there. So he pulled Spencer in closer and they again fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Morgan," Spencer called.

Morgan turned and took the cup Spencer held out to him. They smiled at each other and Morgan threw his arm over Spencer's shoulder.

"There's my pretty boy," Morgan said pulling Spencer closer to him.

"I didn't realize everyone was so worried," Spencer mused.

"You're family kid, when one of us is hurting we're all hurting. If Rossi hadn't stepped in I would have kidnapped you and held you hostage," Morgan smiled jovial.

"How would you have done that, I'm like three inches taller than you," Spencer came back.

"I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be too hard to tackle you to the ground. After you were down I could cuff you, but then again I'm sure you'd kick or something. Then again you were so unlike yourself then that you probably would have laid and taken it. Then I'd just toss you over my shoulder and drag you home. I have neighbors though so I probably would have gagged you or just sat Clooney in front of you. Lord knows how much my big scary dog frightens you. And I probably wouldn't have to tie you down to get you to stay but I do carry handcuffs so I could cuff you to a chair or the bed so you couldn't escape. Although that would be a hassle if you had to use the bathroom so I'd probably just trust you not to run considering I outweigh you and used to play football so I know how to tackle to disable. Then we'd sit and watch tv, talk, drink beer, normal guy stuff," Morgan explained his plan.

They had made it to their desks and were starting their work as Morgan spoke. Neither man noticed the rest of the team watching their conversation or the looks they were receiving. None of the rest of the team had heard the start of the conversation and they were all in the bullpen talking catching the last half of it.

"Is there something you need to tell us?" Garcia asked eyeing the two profilers.

"I don't know what you're talking about baby girl," Morgan said too innocently.

"That sounds like a pretty good rape strategy," Prentiss said with a slight smile.

"Morgan, do I need to worry about Reid in your presence?" Hotch asked giving him a look.

"What no!" Morgan defended.

Spencer had a horrified look on his face and then looked back to the team. He went to JJ and hugged her placing his face on his shoulder.

"It was horrible Jay. He was telling me how he'd do it and he had me in a headlock so I couldn't get away. Oh god if you heard the things he was going to do to me," Spencer fake cried.

JJ rubbed his back soothingly and attempted to glare ad Morgan. Spencer turned his head to look at Morgan through his hair and glared as well. Neither could keep the smiles off their face.

"Alright I think it's time we all got to work. I'll inform Rossi to keep a close eye on these two until we feel he's safe," Hotch joked.

They all had a laugh as Rossi exited the elevator. He took a moment to stop and watch as Spencer and the rest of the team interacted. It had been a long time since they all laughed together even if Hotch was only slightly smiling. He reached the group with a smile on his face.

"I feel like I missed something," Rossi said.

Spencer gravitated towards the older man standing close enough for their shoulders to touch. They all noticed it but chose to just smile and accept their happiness.

"It's good to have our genius back," Garcia smiled.

"You may have to watch these two Rossi. Morgan here just confessed his rape strategy and I think Reid is going to be his first target," Prentiss said nonchalantly as she sat at her desk.

Rossi looked between the two men with a smirk before glaring at Morgan. An idea popped in his head and his glare softened. Morgan cocked a brow wondering what had suddenly changed.

"I might be willing to share under the right circumstances," Rossi said with a wink.

Spencer choked on his coffee drooling it onto the file in front of him. Hotch and JJ decided that was their cue to leave while Emily dropped her files scattering them to the ground as she stared in amusement.

"Mm now there is a night I'd like to video tape," Garcia said.

"I think I'd like to be there," Prentiss added.

Spencer looked incredulously around at the people on his team. They caught his look and laughed.

"I think I should have a say in who I share my bed and body with. And if you keep that up, Agent Rossi, you will not be on that list any longer," Spencer said with a shrug.

They laughed at Rossi that time and it was what they all needed to be a family again. Everyone would be fine and they finally had Spencer back. And he was happier than they'd seen in a very long time.


End file.
